Almost empty

Today, I felt like I bragged the surprise party my friends had done for me. I was just so proud and happy because of it. I AM proud to have friends that are very thoughtful and loving. I AM happy because I am satisfied with the way things are happening in my life, especially with him.

He broke my heart a few months ago. That was the most heart-breaking memory in my life. Every time I remember the way he ignored me, the way he just left me, my heart felt empty. By that time, I was determined to commit in our relationship. I was ready to change for the better, to stop being jealous, to make him happy and to make our relationship stronger. I thought that everything would be FINE. But, it was the other way around.

I went to his house. Yes, I was the one who went just for our reconciliation. I bowed my head. I lowered by sword and shield. I opened all of my weaknesses to him. I ALMOST gave everything to him, emotionally. He was ready, ready to break our romantic relationship into friendship. I was not prepared for it. I asked him for another chance to patch things up. But, he stood in his ground. And I stood to make it up. Nothing happened.

I went back home, feeling ragged, alone. I never felt that empty before. The hole in my heart started to form, leaving a blank place. It would be empty, for some reasons my heart only knew. Days had passed. No communication. No phone calls. No text messages. No chatting. The space between us grew until we weren't able to reach to each other. I felt I was the only one reaching out. I was the only one making efforts.

There was just only me. Then, I realized how much I missed my friends. I didn't realize that my love for him was making me weaker and farther from other people. I made him my WORLD. It should not be that way. It should be BALANCED. Yet, the realization is too late.



To be continued...

Finished, finally?

It was already 12:00 am. No sleep since 5 in the morning. My head felt heavy from lack of rest. My arms were numb. My back ached because of improper sitting position. Everyday, this has been the set-up. I'll sleep in the wee hours of the morning and wake up early to go to my 8:30 am or 9 am class which is always dragging. I always study, study, study and study without thinking about my health.

My best friend always called before. He would tell me to get some sleep and rest. I hesitated his offer. I refused to listen to him. Nowadays, maybe, he became tired of asking and telling me the same thing every night.  that's why he suddenly stopped calling. It was my fault.

I wanted to win. I wanted to be the highest. I wanted to achieve everything that I dream.


It was wrong. It IS wrong.

I acquired a dry cough just a few weeks ago. That's when I realized how hard it is for my body to accept all the pressures in my mind and heart. Yet, I never stop. I did not quit.

Maybe, this is my personal narcotics, my own aphrodisiac. Maybe, I was just plain disobedient.

After this, I need to read the report for tomorrow. One or two hours more, I think.

My new blog, probably

Out of boredom. Out of curiosity. Probably.

Yes, I created my new baby, The Planet Jupiter. Actually, I'm in the middle of thinking about my report for Chem 1, which is due tomorrow, and I haven't started anything yet. I just stumbled upon a blog of my floor mate when I earned a sudden interest for creating one.

I don't know what to say (or write) right now. Hell week is this week. So, this is not the right time to post something in my new baby. Yet, I can keep my hand from typing.

It was my 18th birthday yesterday. Two days before, my friends prepared a lovely surprise for me. Yes, I was touched. Until now, I can't help but smile at the thought of it. They went to my house and brought a cake and gifts. I was in my only-inside-the-house appearance when they came. Yes, I was really surprised. I was even more surprised when he came. Yes, HE came. The one who gave me sleepless nights and unwavering smile whenever he called. The one who make my heart skip a beat. The one who can make me laugh even in the most problematic days of my life. The one who says "I love you" for more than two years now.

And our struggles together? It is another story. I need to stop blogging now and make my academic obligations. Maybe, I can share next time.